Jesus Christ's head office in Rome can hardly be accused of moving with the times. Being anti-birth control, anti-promiscuity, exclusion of women, infallible, anti-gay (are we talking about the Vatican or Republicans? I forget), thrillingly relevant as these are, make it less than popular with liberals, left leaning conservatives, feminists and, um, nearly everybody else.
Which is probably why it felt the need to add the environment to its salvation longlist (which must include me, Andrea Dworkin, and the founders of Pottery Barn). According to Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, one "offends God" when one wrecks the environment or harm embryos. Here in Asia, where the air is "good" if you can't smell it, and you get your abortion the same place you get your hair done, we're pretty much damned to Hell.
Well Hell isn't so bad (I mean, it can't be worse than Singapore, can it?) especially if staying out of there means listening to a bunch of antique-hoarding guys in dresses. Yes, I know they're called vestments: bright shiny vestments, with matching hat and oversized rhinestone rings from QueenMeUp.com.
Believe it or not, I am Catholic. Laugh it up. But I am also emphatically against what I call the Fox News theorem (i.e. not with us in War on Terror = Osama Bin Laden's Bitch). I don't believe in moral dictation, but I believe in the Apostolic Succession of Peter. I believe in the Sacrifice of Mass, but how about giving women a chance to wear gold dresses with matching pointy hats in Church instead?
Before you tell us why we're going to burn in Hell for littering, how about listening to why a 15 year old raped by her father who has to dig through her herself with a coat hanger might not be eternally damned? How about keeping your pervy hands out of server boys' pants? I mean, I'd hate if you had to auction all your lovely jewelry to finance all those mounting out-of-court settlements.
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